GW18: The Boxing Day Special! 💥🥊

Eh Eh Eh! Happy late Boxing Day guy! That's right, it's aboot to go down in the GW18 recap! 🇨🇦 I'm back from hiatus, thanks to Mr. Tribbey for a wonderful and festive recap last week, he really does have a knack for this kind of thing doesn't he? 🤔 Maybe we'll see more from him in the back half of the season if Arsenal can stay afloat  🤣 

I hope everyone had a nice holiday break, I for one made a wonderful ham 🐷, glazed it with a new recipe I'm trying out. Between me and you, the secret to a good glaze for your ham is a nice orange juice base 🍊. Don't be afraid to throw in some stone ground mustard, some honey 🍯, some seasoning, and of course, a little brown sugar. A guy like me sets the oven to around 325, heats that bad boy up, gradually applying the glaze to keep the ham flavorful not just on the surface but also down near the core. To keep from drying, gotta loosely wrap it in foil and keep a little water in the pan too. From there give it about 20min per pound give or take, cut it up (keep the bone 🍖 if you like bone broth) and enjoy til your heart's content my man. If you're interested, happy to send you the pe (short for recipe, new term I'm hoping with catch on in the culinary world). You know one day I hope to get my own line of bbq sauce and glazes going, would be pretty cool, could be like Guy Fieri in my own way I guess. Anyways, what were we talking about again, oh yes, week 18!!!

Both FPL and the EPL are completely up for grabs, and we are approaching the exact half way point of the season and a transfer window that could completely shake up the course of the season 😱. Let's see how everyone did!

Week in Review

Newcastle (0) - Man U (1)

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

We started the week on Boxing day with the MHGOTW with an absolute snoozer of a game, an Amorim masterclass left Newcastle stunned at Old Trafford leaving with 66% of possession, 13 shots, but 0 points as they continued their steady decline into 14th place! While safe for now, Newcastle are running out of steam as more money has led to more problems and they can no longer rely on Liverpool's back up striker to win them results. They're closer to relegation than to Europa league. Hats off to Man U as well, only a game back from top 4 and doing well to keep a shut out after an early goal (absolute howler) from Dorgu.

Newcastle looks to redeem themselves next week to break even on the half way point of the season. But hopes of anything other than conference league are looking quite bleak for the Toon.

Nottingham Forest (1) - Man City (2) 

Did you really think Rudolph the Red Nose Reijnders wasn't gonna bag a goal after X-Mas? Him and Cherki (especially) are proving to be valuable signings for Man City as they continue their push toward the top spot. Man City are finding ways to win without Haaland contributions (much to our dismay), which is a scary scary thing for the league.

Arsenal (2) - Brighton (1) 

Surely they can't keep getting away with the set piece, OG, low block gimmick, but damn has it been effective. Odegaard is back to scoring goals for Arsenal as they continue to defend the top spot week in and week out. Gabriel is beginning to ease his way back in to fortify their defense, but even without him they've been able to hold results for the most part. What would have me concerned if I'm Arsenal however is that the man they paid an alleged $80M+ for is playing like the real life Michelin Man after eating at a 5 course Michelin Star restaurant, and they are left to none other than washed Jesus to try a spark some offense for them up top 🤦‍♂️ 

Arsenal are team that can certainly hold down the fort when the game is going their way, but I'm excited to see what happens when things heat up and they go down early in a key game and can't slowly and boringly boa constrict their opponent to submission any more 🐍. We saw it with Liverpool early the season, the luck will swing the other way and Arsenal will need to dig deep to continue finding results in each competition.

Brentford (4) - Bournemouth (1) 

Daaaaaamn, Schade! What a hattrick as the Bees destroyed Bournemouth who have absolutely fallen out of form. Rumors are swirling as their star goal scorer Semenyo is rumored to go to City, a move that could swing the tides of the league if true. The Bees creep into top 8 as Bournemouth slip all the way down to 15th.

Burnley (0) - Everton (0) 

Not much else to say here but good day to be a Pickford holder!

Everton continue to hover at the mid table (right under Tottenham and two spots up on Newcastle). Another mid season seems destined for them while Burnley continue to dig deeper into the relegation hole.

Wolves (1) - Liverpool (2)

THE DROUGHT IS OVER AS WIRTZ HAS FINALLY PROVED HIS WORTH AGAINST WINLESS WOLVES!!! WHAT AN ABSOLUTE STUNNING RUN OF FORM THE LAD IS ON, THE HATERS MUST BE SICK TO THEIR STOMACH. 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Don't look now, but somehow Liverpool have creeped their way back into top 4, mostly likely because most of y'all's teams are complete ass and let this one slide instead of burying them into the middle of the pack like a Mario Kart race after getting hit by one green shell. Sure, it's Wolves, but gotta say Liverpool needed this one to keep some positive momentum going for them. Is the Wirtz Watch officially over? Also big brain move to anyone who transferred in Gravenberch, more on this later.

West Ham (0) - Fulham (1) 

Ah perfect back to my favorite topic, ham!!! The great Ham off was settled by none other that Raul Jimenez (shout out to the God) and Fulham secure the shut out while West Ham go 2 games back from safety.

Chelsea (1) - Aston Villa (2)

They say the only thing more dangerous than a 2-0 is a 1-0 lead, and booooooy did Chelsea blow a golden opportunity to stay top 4. Instead, they keep Villa within one game of the top spot, let Liverpool leap frog them, and fall even on points with Man United. I wonder how their January transfer window goes as money laundering rumors begin to surface...

Hell of a brace from Watkins as well, who could be a strong differential going into the back half of the year. Goal from Neto. Enzo to Atleti.

Sunderland (1) - Leeds (1)

DCL is absolutely COOKIN as Sunderland begin to come back down to earth (still top 8 tho). Leeds are starting to surge a little bit and could crawl up the chart a bit more in the back half as things begin to click for them.

Tottenham (1) - Palace (0)

Good day to be a Tottenham fan, baaaad day to bet the Richarlison anytime goal. Two offsides goals in one game..rouuuuuugh. But how bout it from the...wonderkid?....Archie Gray to secure a massive result for Spurs after a tough L last week to Pool. Sure, they're 11th and on the wrong side of the table. Sure, they have disgusting jerseys. And sure, they won't compete for any titles this year. But uhhhh...ummm...but uhhh..you know, there's gotta be something...right? ummmm hmmmm, come back to me later.

Galaxy Brain Plays of the Week 🧠 

Galaxy Brained 🌌🧠 

• Me, transferring in Gravenberch and him getting 11 pts, epic.

• Non-Haaland Captainers - Shout out to Bonehead Oliver for the Haaland TC LMAOOOO

• Andy S with the Epic Wirtz captain that somehow paid off, well played lad

• VDV starters, much better showing than Matty Cash smh.

Top Dawg ⬆️🐶 

Porro-no Addiction - 73 Points!

Absolutely clinical bench boost from Mitch B, one of the few, the proud, the Spurs fans. Cheeky team name as well that bypassed the FPL App censorship filters, nicely done. 11 each from Gravenberch and VDV, paired with a Vicario 7 and Raul 9, with a Thiago assist netted Mitch our week's top dawg. The Spurs W as the cherry on top. Won a frosty spin earlier as well. Talk about closing the year out strong. Bravo, lad, take a bow!

Bottom Dawg ⬇️🦮

Ludicrous Display - 16pts

Oh nooooooo, not again for our dear friend Roldan. Who is a few more game weeks like this away from locking in the jersey purchase. 4 Zeros in the squad from Timber, Chalobah, hurt Bruno, and AFCON Ndiaye (with AFCON Salah on the bench), things are going from bad to worse for a team who barely cracked double digits.. It may take a New Year, New Me approach to turn this season around. 0 total bench points as well, ouch.