Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all! The GW17 recap is here - The Christmas Special ๐ The commish is on holiday, so your favorite North London Bottle Co. representative is here to keep things frosty. Don’t worry–Grant sent us a photo to let us know he could never forget about us and he’s having a great holiday!
This gameweek was an absolute blockbuster for FPL! As we approach the midpoint of the season, we are seeing folks use up the remaining of their first round of chips. As a result, we saw multiple teams achieve 100+ points this week! I’ll get to glazing the specific individuals later, let’s get into this week in review ๐
Newcastle (2) - Chelsea (2)
An instant classic in Newcastle! Newcastle unleash their classic fast start strategy against Chelsea using their fans as a 12th man, and pump Chelsea twice in the first 20 minutes courtesy of Nick ๐
Woltemade! After a dismal performance at Sunderland, Woltemade showed he really can score at both ends ๐ and nails a brace for the magpies. Who wants to defend anyway these days? The Chelsea defense is notorious for taking naps on the pitch, and Chalobah woke up just in time to see Nick pin one in from close range. It took a halftime talk for Chelsea to remember that Aaron Ramsdale is in net for Newcastle and their defense is shocking. Reece James continues to announce himself in the league with a stellar free kick 5 mins into the second half, and Joao Pedro took advantage of poor Newcastle defending to level the score. Neither team could find a winner at St. James, and both teams will be feeling like 3 points was there for the taking.
Bournemouth (1) - Burnley (1)
Bournemouth continue their poor form, and a team that started so hot have now gone winless in their last 8 games in the league. Semenyo reminds us of his worth as an FPL asset with the only goal for Bournemouth, and after a quiet October and November has now scored in his last two fixtures. Burnley equalized late in the game with a goal from the ex-Chelsea Albanian, Armando Broja. Burnley seem poised for another sequence of promotion-relegation, and the allure of cheap Burnley players is fading as they can’t seem to keep the ball out of their net, and the goals don’t come frequently enough (great analysis)
Brighton (0) - Sunderland (0)
What’s a weekend of parlaying every PL moneyline without a disgusting 0-0 to throw it out the window? This Brighton team are streaky, and seem to field a new player no one has heard of every week. Neither team could find the quality offensively to break the deadlock, but man is it nice to see Jack Hinshelwood back on the pitch. He still seems to be coming into fitness but what a fun player to watch. Sunderland have become one of the stingiest teams to beat in the league this season. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of their defenders become regulars in FPL teams as they are cheap and seem to come good more often than not for a clean sheet or some defensive contributions.
Man City (3) - West Ham (0)
Turns out Saint Nick’s middle name was Erling, and he’s here to spread joy for all those who chose to triple captain him this week! The Man City machine is roaring, and Haaland found the net twice and assisted for the third, securing another double digit haul. The guy is an absolute maniac and was furious the last 15 mins when his team couldn’t find the final ball quality to feed him for his 150th goal for the Cityzens.
At first I thought I was the hoodie guy by captaining players other than Haaland and Beef was the guy on the left for captaining Haaland every week, but I’ve learned my lesson and now I am fully on the Haaland glaze train. Choo Choo!! ๐
Wolves (0) - Brentford (2)
Wolves are so shit ๐imagine betting a frosty on them beating the league leaders, Arsenal Football Club ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ Wolves hold another L, this time to Brentford and remain at the bottom of the league on 2 points after 17 games. No other team has been on 2 points after 17 games, and the former Luton Town manager, Rob Edwards, is headed for his second relegation from the Premier League. Keane Lewis-Potter found the net twice for the Bees in what were two sequences of terrible Wolves defending.
By the way - who else got baited by this absolute clown of an FPL pick? After scoring 11 goals in his first 13 PL games for the Bees, he’s now blanked 4 games on the spin and accumulated a whopping ZERO shots against Leeds and Wolves. (not salty)
๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ (1) - Liverpool (2)
๐ต๐ตTottenham get battered everywhere they go
Tottenham get battered, everywhere they goooo
Everywhere they goooooooooooo๐ต๐ต
Man this Spurs team is S T I N K Y ! ๐๐๐๐We all knew once Kane and Son left, the ‘golden’ years are well and truly done and that club will go back to where they belong of being properly lower mid table. A quick history lesson for folks that may not know, Tottenham Hotspur have won 4 Premier League games at home in the calendar year 2025 from a possible 18. ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
OK - enough trolling, this game was an absolute Spurs classic. Tottenham went for a bold strat of having Xavi Simons get sent off at 30 mins so Liverpool would have more possession and in turn have to give Florian Wirtz the football. Liverpool responded by trying to score with the cursed Swedish Pocky stick, Alexander Isak. Micky VDV out of respect for Newcastle fans and their desire to see Isak fail, broke Isak’s leg on the follow through of the shot, leaving Isak unable to celebrate his first home PL goal with the Kop and had to be helped off in what will be a long absence for Isak.
Hugo Ekitike doubled Liverpool’s lead 10 mins later and that seemed to be that. However, in an apparent moment of ‘club leadership’ and whatever ‘to dare is to do’ means, Cuti Romero lashed out at Ibrahim Konate and earned himself a second yellow, leaving Spurs with 9 men to finish the game. The whistles and boos in Shite Hart Lane were present again at fulltime in what seems to be another nail in the coffin for Thomas Frank’s tenure at Tottenham.
A byproduct of this game was Florian Wirtz, Liverpool’s landmark $150m signing has now secured his first premier league goal involvement in over 1,000 minutes played! What value! He has now matched Chelsea goal keeper Robert Sanchez’s goal involvements this season. Liverpool truly won the transfer window, and what a treat it must be for them to watch all their shiny new toys on the pitch ๐
Everton (0) - Arsenal (1)
It’s clear the haters have been foaming at the mouth for any chance that may Arsenal slip up, but another week goes by where Arsenal find a way to take all 3 points. The gunners lined up with their 8th different defensive line of the season, but were untroubled by a weakened Everton team. Without Ndiaye, Gueye, and KDH the Toffees never looked threatening across 90 minutes. It was an interesting theory to field the Irish ex-volleyball star, Jake O’Brien, who clearly forgot what sport he was playing when conceding a handball off a corner kick. We take those! Gunners stay top and the haters keep hating ♥๏ธ
Leeds (4) - Crystal Palace (1)
Palace’s thin squad is wearing on them and it seems to be the perfect time to play them. Leeds on the other hand have reached a form no one thought achievable just a short time ago! Leeds found two goals from long throw-ins as Palace struggled to clear their lines all game. The DCL resurgence is a sight to behold and he may be a great budget forward option as he comes into form.
Aston Villa (2) (1.3xg) - Manchester United (1) (1.51xg)
MANCHESTER UNITED NOOOOOOO ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃIncredible scenes at Villa Park as the Villans keep the results coming against all odds in classic Emery fashion. Morgan Rogers scored a wonderful goal to put Villa in front, Cunha responded with an equalizer off a Matty Cash error before the half but Morgan Rogers had already discovered that Leny Yoro is actually a statue and scored another lovely curling effort to secure the 3 points for Villa.
**In a Gary Neville voice**This is Manchester United we’re talking about! ๐คฃ Machester United are a serious football club and whatever ambitions they may have, they are chasing their dreams with a defensive unit that includes Diogo Dalot, Ayden Heaven, Leny Yoro, Luke Shaw, and Manuel Ugarte. Incredible recruitment and long may it continue. #AmorimIN! #ItsJustVariance
Fulham (1) - Nottingham Forest (0)
Fulham found a way to quiet Nottingham Forest who have found their solidity after settling with Sean Dyche. A single penalty was enough for 3 points for the Cottagers and they now find themselves level on points with the mighty Newcastle. Surely Fulham are near the top of the table if they are level on points with Newcastle? Who knows ๐
Galaxy Brain Plays of the Week ๐ง
Some incredible picks and lineups this week!!
Galaxy Brained ๐๐ง
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We are so Back FC (Cevans) 101 point Free Hit including the Dominic Calvert-Lewin pick at forward - definition galaxy brain and it pays off with a huge 13 point haul!
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I’m Sorry Nic Jackson (Cullen Udell) with the Keane Lewis-Potter pick who is only at 1.2% ownership. The defender returned a massive 21 points!!
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Mandem FC (Aiden Killette) with the triple forward return of Joao Pedro, Ekitike and triple captain Haaland. A total 63 points accumulated from their 3 forwards this week!
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Morgan Rogers owners - although his upcoming fixtures don’t look great, he's now returned 15 points in his last two GWs, incredible value at only 7.3m!
Mandem FC (Aiden Killette) - 110 Points!
Huge GW for Aiden as they hit an insane return across almost their entire lineup. Aiden triple captained Haaland for a huge 48 point haul and found double digit returns from Verbruggen with 11 and Semenyo with 10. Would you believe me if I told you his benched keeper outscored his starter? His team is oozing with returns!! Aidan finds themselves 8th and only looking up!
Also, special shout outs to Club de Cuervos (Luis Rodriguez), we are so back FC (Cevans), Blue Beans Please (Logan Duffy) and OG Oliver (David Oliver) for also eclipsing 100 points in the gameweek. It’s an incredible achievement to hit 100 points in a week, well played all!
Milliesbrough F.C. (Grant Lewis aka G$ aka Orange Squad Messi aka the Commish) - 45 points ๐๐คฃ
Turns out the Commish couldn’t bear to write his own obituary, as he went for the potential galaxy brain captain pick of Phil Foden and ended up with a lowly 6 point return. ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ Combined with only one return from his back line and an array of blanks across his midfield, 45 points spelled disaster for Grant in a week where the average point accumulation neared 70.
Well that’s all I’ve got! Unfortunately only one Boxing Day game this year but it’s a classic mid-off between Manchester United and Newcastle. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a lovely holiday season with loved ones.
Premier League Table at Christmas
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