The long awaited return of FPL did not disappoint, let's see how everyone did!
The wait is finally over, and with GW1 in the books, it's clear there are some new forces to be reckoned with, and others who are asleep at the wheel. Now we can't rule out week one flubabies, but here's how things panned out and some key takeaways. And just as promised and for no other reasons, we are keeping this recap to only EPL. If you wanna see how things are going in La Liga, check the Atleti Zone, or don't, pretty unremarkable week 1 over there.
Week in Review
Haaaaaappy Monday everybody! Feels good to be back, the chat is buzzin, first week is complete, and I can't help but just feel like another magisterial season is incoming. First, let's hop into the recap and see how everyone's favorite or least favorite teams did.
Liverpool (4) vs. Bournemouth (2)
Ekitike, Salah, Gakpo, and even Chiesa shined as everyone's least favorite team took on the noble Cherries. The Cherries fought valiantly, but the overwhelming weight of Liverpool's deep pockets proved too much, and new star and failed Newcastle "almost" signing Ekitike opened up the new season with his first of many EPL goals. From the Bournemouth end, a Semenyo brace put him on the map this year as a potential league winner, and a player to watch moving forward before his price goes higher. Liverpool is certainly looking like the team to beat this year. On behalf of all Frimpong owners, I would like to extend a cordial "Fuck you" to Mr. Slot for his substitution antics, but we move forward.
Aston Villa with 10 men (0) - Newcastle (0)
It appears Drawcastle is back in full force and in desperate need of a miracle up top to have any chance at repeating a top 6 performance. Elanga fumbled a clear chance early in the game😂😂😂, and the lads simply could not put their chances away. Flash Gordon drew a red card late in the game, but even with a rusty Villa down to 10, you just never believed Newcastle would have the quality to put one away without a certain Striker from Sweden.
Brighton (1) vs. Fulham (1)
In a rather unremarkable mid-off for the ages with some late game drama, Brighton and Fulham tied thanks to an own goal from Matt O'Riley and and stoppage time savior from Rodrigo Muniz
Sunderland (3) - West Ham (0)
In perhaps the most surprising game of the week in which many thought newly promoted Sunderland would get clapped, The Black Cats found a way to knock 3 past a washed West Ham side, bringing a little bit of that Barclay's era magic back into the league. With goals from Mayenda, Ballard, and Isidor, Sunderland cruised their way to the win. Not to mention a clean sheet 6 pt performance from former Atleti king and Mozambican legend Reinildo
Tottenham (3) - Burnley (0)
Now I know it's just that one team I supported for a few seasons because Stoke was and still is still relegated, Burnley. But I gotta say both in the SuperCup and in this game Tottenham looked good. Maybe it's having a healthy squad again, maybe it's Thomas Frank ball, but the Spurs were not ass for the first time in a loooong time (outside of their wild Europa league miracle run). Richarlison scored what could be the goal of the year already on his way to notching a brace, Brennan Johnson had a clinical finish, Kudus is looking like a must add, and Sarr had a wonderful assist. We'll see how they stack up against non-relegation teams, but their players are looking pretty fantasy viable against the bad teams.
Man City (4) - Wolves (0)
Not much else to say but Haaland is back and will make teams pay that don't pay the Viking Tax. The second best Norwegian striker is looking to return to his old form, notching a brace to complement two of their new exciting additions and potential FPL league winners, Reijnders and Cherki. Wolves look empty without Cunha, and may be a team to stack your match ups and transfers against.
Nott'm Forest (3) vs Brentford (1)
You'd think after last season we'd learn not to fade Chris Wood. With so many exciting transfers into the prem, Former Burnley and Newcastle legend Mr. Wood was a bit under the radar in our week 1 teams, and made many of us pay by bagging a brace for himself. I bet Newcastle wishes they still had the man right about now. Add a Dan Ndoye and Igor Thiago goal a piece and you end with a comfortable win for NF.
Chelsea (0) - Crystal Palace (0)
Chelsea Bad? Crystal Palace Good? The answer after seeing this game, both teams are Mid as fuck. Why oh why do I keep going back to the Cole Palmer well. This one is on me. Better days ahead for the blues, but they need to figure this out quick.
Manchester United (0*) - Arsenal (1*)
The MHGOTW somehow simultaneously did not and did disappoint. Man U's goalie problems continue to plague them, but in this game I think we saw a glimmer of hope emerge from the Man U faithful. They outplayed Arsenal, had a ton of chances, but just could not bag one.
The reason is not that the ref missed a clear pen. The reason is no Hojlund. Without Hojlund there is no way for this team to get the ball in the net. Sure Mbuemo's touch looked crisp, the intensity was good, those ginormous putas at Arsenal played on the back foot all game. But when they needed him most he was unavailable, polishing his summer series trophy. I think Man U builds of this one, and Arsenal begin to realize Gyokeres is not that guy, and a real top 6 battle ensues. Also apparently prodigy Lewis Skelly doesn't even start for his club? News to me.
Leeds (1) - Everton (0)
Everton continues their relegation dance against Leeds. Taking a deserved L. God I hate Pickford so much.
AND NOW....Introducing a new series...I call my "Top 3 Boneheaded Plays of the Week" to remind everyone just how bad they are at FPL.
Honorable Mention: Gyokeres Starters (Looking at you, Timo, Brian and Cullen)
#3 - The Isak holders - now this one could end up being a solid long con play, but right now it's looking just as dumb as the newcastle fans that have hope he'll stop being so greedy and return to the Toon. Howay the lads, more like No way the Bads. Ayyyyy get fucked Beef lmaooooo. Beef is totally getting 360 no scoped this season at every turn it's pretty funny. I digress.
#2 - The No Halaand + No Salah teamers - bold strategy Cotton, let's see if it pays off (or pays for my Jersey this year)
Coming in at #1, the Boneheaded play of the week goes to our beloved former commissioner, Niall Oliver himself, who tried a big brain turned to bird brain move and captained washed king Jarrod Bowen in a 3-0 blank against SUNDERLAND😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂LmaooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Get gud Niall! He didn't even have an assist or a goal, against Sunderland! Uhhh Earth to Niall, ummm yea there were better options this week, DUH!
Excuse me, now on to Top and Bottom Dawgs!
Top Dawg - Tottenham Titans
A new contender has emerged amid the chaos. Despite triple captains and bench boost being fired week 1, we saw a no chipper take our top spot for the first week. Hats off to you, Jonathan Diffley, who despite starting the wrong keeper and blanking with Dendonker, managed to big brain his way to starting Semenyo, Haaland, and Wood to complement a solid backline to bring home 83 points. He also got to enjoy the Tottenham bounce back, featuring a Richarlison worldie from their horrific terror collapse against PSG. Great start for the would be 1st time winner, but we have a looooong way to go this season.
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