Week in Review

Hello everybody, happy Thursday!! Hope everyone has some fun long weekend plans coming up. Me? I'm going up to Wisconsin to drink Spotted Cow and catch fish. Also, please don't forget former commish's 40th bday is coming up on 9/6. Happy early bday Niall!👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻Anyways, welcome to the week 2 recap, we had some absolutely scintillating games, and some absolute snoozers, we even got some bonus early round Carabao Cup games. More on this later...Let's recap the week!

West Ham (1) - Chelsea (5)

After a hilarious start for the blues after a 5th min Paqueta goal, they fired back in full force. West Ham is going straight for a relegation battle, and Chelsea flexed their depth against a much weaker team. Despite the big W, washed Cole Palmer injured himself in warm up, something to watch for throughout the season. I for one am getting reaaaaaaal tired of thinking the old Cole Palmer will return. I officially deem him washed. No more Lukewarm Palmer at Milliesborough FC. Put him in your teams at your own demise. 5 Goals, 5 different players with our first Joao Pedro goal sighting, accompanied by goals by Neto, Enzo, Caicedo, and Chalobah.  

Tottenham (2) - Man City (0)

Let's check in how historic EPL powerhouse Man City did against the lowly Tottenham, surely Haaland went off and scored double digits fantasy points for his big brain captainers. aaaaand..Oh no...It seems Tottenham are not fucking around this season and are standing on business as the champions of europ(a). Frank is quickly turning the Ange loyalists into believers, and I am loading up on Tottenham stock as their next fixtures all seem winnable somehow. In-form Brennan Johnson is off to a hot start, bagging the first goal with Paulhina slotting the second.

Bournemouth (1) - Wolves (0)

Another Mid Off for the ages, Wolves seem to have lost their spark with Cunha off to equally green pastures. 4th minute goal from Tavernier settled this game, with a red card sealing the coffin for Wolves.

Brentford (1) - Aston Villa (0)

It seems Villa's run of form has come to a screeching halt as they fell to the peskiest of Bees. Dango Ouattara scored the deciding goal, and made good use of the defensive contributions points bagging himself 13 points. Could be a sneaky solid option in week 3 against Sunderland.

Burnley (2) - Sunderland (0)

Statement W from the Super Clarets as they fight off relegation allegations, sticking it to newly promoted Sunderland. Goals from Josh Cullen and Jaidon Anthony sealed the 2-0 W. JJ Watt is a happy man.

Arsenal (5) - Leeds (0)

I'll be the first to admit it, I was fading Gyokeres pretty hard for FPL, but the man came through for Gooner nation and dropped a brace after his big blank last week. Jurien Timber has entered the chat, and Calafiori seems like a must have player for FPL. Unfortunately we saw Saka go down after scoring a goal, but Arsenal looks back in the drivers seat to challenge the title from a shaky Liverpool. Leeds looks to be joining the relegation fight.

Crystal Palace (1) - Nott'm Forest (1)

Two perennial top 8 squads faced off in a rather unremarkable game. Sarr bagged a goal for Palace, but an equalizer by Callum Hudson-Odoi settled the score. I gotta say, I am uninspired by both of these teams this year, but hope we get to see tournament Palace cause some upsets.

Everton (2) - Brighton (0)

Good bounce back from Everton and for the Pickford owners. The jury is still out on just how mid Everton is, but I gotta say I like seeing Jack Grealish freed from the confines of Man City's horribly boring and played out offensive scheme. 2 assists for him, and a goal a piece for Ndiaye and Garner. Not a bad day at the office, and a great day for Cal!

Man United (1) - Fulham (1)

Bear with me here........

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, let's address the game at hand. Varchester United was gifted a soft pen after Mason Mount got weight roomed in the box. Who else but our dear Bruno Fernandes to step up and bury it to give the Red Devil faithful something to celebrate. Bruno lines up to take it...aaaaaand

The Ref really hit him with the "excuse me brah" and he threw a tantrum and missed! Oh noooooo! Absolutely sky-ed it to the heavens, in fact, I think it may have just landed in my back yard! It's been said before but Bruno's attitude has been absolutely infectious in the locker room, and despite being borderline world class, there's just no excuse anymore for him to act like this. Hot take but Maguire should actually be on pens. But I digress, even after this melt down, Man U found themselves up after an own goal as Fulham's Muniz became Man U's top scorer on the season for league play. And all was going well until the ghost of Emile Smith Rowe bagged a goal to equalize. Man U was left to lick their wounds, surely to bounce back in their freebie Carabao Cup game against fourth tier...Grimsby Town..and build some momentum heading into week 3 against Burnley. Surely..right? RIGHT? Well as a bonus let's see how this went down....bear with me here..

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOoooOOOoOoOoOoOoOoOO NO FUCKING WAAAAAAY. ONANA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...AMORIM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!! STINKY STINKY MAN U SOOOOO STINKYYYYYYY!!!! MAN U TRULY IS < EVERYONE'S FAV TEAM LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

I tell ya what, I needed a good laugh like this. Going down 2-0 to GRIMSBY, coming back to give the fans hope, just to choke on Pens because Onana dives to left every kick is craaaaazy. Is there still time to turn the season around..yes. Is this rock bottom for Man U? Potentially. I can't wait to find out and see how the rest of the season goes. I think they have what it takes to redeem themselves. But back in the bottom 5 already you have to ask yourselves, is relegation a realistic possibility here? Surely not...right?

Liverpool (3) - Newcastle (2)

The MHGOTW did not disappoint this week, and boy did we have an absolute banger of a match. My man Ekitike is in form, bagging another clinical goal immediately after the half time break to pile on Gravenberch's opener. We saw Flash Gordon, aka baby Logan Paul, lose his cool once again, as he absolutely cheese grated the back of Virg's calf.

Yes it seemed like Newcastle was down for the count down to 10 men and down 2-0. But then, Liverpool activated their midness and fell into the most dangerous lead trap, suddenly after a Bruno goal and an Osula 88th minute silencer, it looked like Drawcastle was going to salvage a point...right? WRONG!!! LMAOOOOOOO🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 enter Rio Ngumoha, the 16 year old wonderkid who delivered Newcastle their first of many Ls on the year in stoppage time. Take a bow son. And as a bonus Gordon gave us this wonderful apology spoken like JBiebs himself.

Top 3 Boneheaded Plays of the Week

Alright, time to take a look at our top 3 boneheaded FPL plays of the week - where should I start?

3. Everyone who thought and/or still thinks Cole Palmer is worth his fucking price tag in FPL...aka me before this week (shout out my boy Jake Runnals for the Palmer captain)

2. The Pickford faders. As much as I hate the guy and his T-Rex arms, he is an FPL powerhouse. Saving a pen last game, he's gunning toward the GK#1 spot. Especially with a soft match up incoming against Wolves.

1. Jake Jennings!!!!! Taking the number one spot for joining the league a week late and giving everyone a head start while he anchors the bottom of the table, plenty of time to catch up, better late than never, but a long FPL road awaits our current favorite to lose the league! Nice job, Jake!

Top Dawg ⬆️🐶

I'm Sorry Nic Jackson - 74 points

What a freaking bounce back from last week's bottom dawg. In a week where stars underperformed, Cullen strategically faded Salah and Haaland, doubling down on Joao Pedro and Gyokeres to bring in some serious points. Add in a rag tag crew of Collins, Porro, Lewis Potter, Saka, and Ndiaye, and Cullen found a way to get it done even without Lame Lamer. Take a bow, Cullen, you are this week's Top Dawg and officially out of the relegation zone!

Bottom Dawg ⬇️🦮

Joe Heart - 32 points