Aaaand we're back after a niiiiice International and cup break! Hope everyone had a nice lil easter if you partake 🐰🪺 It's the gameweek 31 recap, but first, speaking of 31, everyone wish ya boi MikeyHenk a belated happy 31st birthday! Way to let the game come to you my man! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Let's also give another thank you to Andy and Scott for funding an epic Frostython that kept us busy over the break🙏🙏🙏🍦🍦🍦.

We had some truly insane developments occur in the league, as well as in the Carabao and FA Cups (more on this later). And as bonus, we even got some leg 1 CL quarterfinal games (see the Atleti Zone for more)! The season is swiftly approaching its apex, and only the strongest shall survive!💪

After yesterday, thanks to....Arsenal??...the PL has also now secured 5 spots to qualify for CL thanks to the coefficient ranking, spicing up the final 7 weeks to lock in a chance at glory next year for the worthy top 5. Without further ado, let's-a-go!

Week in Review

Bournemouth (2) - Man U (2) 🟥

Aaaand that's how you kill the locks in game one 😭. But Man U are certainly happy to widen the gap on Pool and Chelsea to stay in 3rd place 🥉. Given the circumstances of the red card, solid result that coulda been much worse! Bruno Fernandes continuing his run of form with a crispy pen, but who else but Dr. Slabhead to get the red and give up the pen to settle it at 2 a piece?

Brighton (2) - Liverpool (1)

How TF is Arne Slot still coaching this piss poor team??😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Textbook shadow of itself team with no fight left in em. More washed than Celtics Shaq, Liverpool just aren't the club they used be. A Welbeck brace on your head in the big 2026 is craaaaaaazy man 👀

We used to pray for days like this...but hey! Maybe FA cup and CL went a little better? Oh my..oh nooooo Liverpool noooo not like this! 😂😂😂😭😭😭😭

Bruh..

Double Bruh..

Fulham (3) - Burnley (1)

Don't look now, but Fulham are sneaky competing for a spot in Europe. Only 5 pts back from the Champions League...just crazy!!! 3 Ws in 5 games, not too shabby 🤷 

Everton (3) - Chelsea (0)

Surprise surprise, Chelsea is still absolute ass 💩 Enzo suspension (nothing for big Cuc tho) for glazing Real Madrid and I gotta say, Chelsea have some serious soul searching to do if they can't take home the FA Cup this year, all the talent to do it, just gotta lock in! But with 5 spots open for CL this year, Chelsea seem poised to hand out some more free Ws next year to some of Europe's best!

If all else fails...there's always the post World Cup transfer window to turn this ship around!!

At least they got to show what a billion can do against Port Vale! 🤷 Nicely done Blues!

Leeds (0) - Brentford (0)

Mid gonna mid, a much needed point for Leeds to creep a little further to safety. Solid W in the FA cup in a nail biter against West Ham as well to stay in contention for something this year! Which is more than a lot of other teams can say!

Newcastle (1) - Sunderland (2)

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

I mean truly this season is the gift that keeps on giving for Newcastle in terms of showing how truly mid they are. Imagine getting clapped thunderously TWICE by your rivals and getting dogwalked by La Liga in CL. You're not the guy Newcastle! It is an absolute case study on how mo money = mo problems. Never change, Newcastle, never change! But hey, at least the U8's won their game at recess! 👍 

Here's some fun Trivia:

Q: How many PL games in the Tyne-Wear derby has it been since Sunderland lost to Newcastle?

A:

That's right! ELEVEN (8 Ws, 3 Draws)!!!! Unprecented levels of mid going on from Sunderland's lil bro 🐣

Aston Villa (2) - West Ham (0)

Tough result for West Ham, but on the plus side, they are still just 1 game back on Tottenham! Villa stay afloat in top 4, and look to catch form again to close out the season.

Nottingham Forest (3) - Tottenham (0)

Speaking of Tottenham...Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

Look like Atleti really took all the courage out of them, the least we could do before taking Romero and Kudus. Good news for the Tottenham faithful..I think? The Tudor era is already over, we'll never forget your service good sir! 🫡 

Oh hey look, Captain Hindsight is back! Let's see what he has to say!

"You probably shouldn't have fired the guy who won you the Europa League!!"

Thanks, Captain Hindsight.

Now how about some BOOOONUS GAMES!!! Even though we didn't get any league games from #1 Arsenal and #2 City, we sure got some entertaining cup games!

Carabao Cup Final Arsenal vs Man City - 3/22

FA Cup...Quarters! Southampton vs. Arsenal - 4/2

This may have been the fastest end to Quad hopes I've ever seen. Yes indeed, the Quottle is so on now! Surely Arsenal don't go 0/4 right? RIGHT??

Now back to FPL...

Boneheaded Plays of the Week 🍖 

• The baaaad Non-free hitters - worked for some, horribly backfired for others who heavied up on Arsenal and City players.

• David B with the Hill -1, youch!!

• Non Bruno F captainers, eeeeepic fail

• Joao Pedro Captainers, and really any Chelsea holders (cough cough David Oliver cough cough cough amoung others)

Top Dawg ⬆️🐶

Disciple of Arsene - 69 pts (nice)

Well if it isn't Mr. Tribbey himself who came out on top in a veeeeery close contest for top dawg (I'm salty). What's even more impressive is Scott found a way to do it without using a free hit!

Nice work on the Bruno captain, with a solid 9 from Harry Wilson, 7 from Pickford, and solid contributions all around to lock it in. Almost makes up for those performances in the Carabao and FA Cups! Bigger games ahead for Mr. Scott however, as he looks to keep climbing the table to get in the money, and as Arsenal seem destined for a collision course with Atleti (lord willing). Take a bow Scott!

Bottom Dawg ⬇️🦮

NBA Youngboy FC - 22 pts

Triple Chelsea and no free hit really sums this one up. Stiiiiiinky work from Malin, but a fantastic Chelsea impression I do say! His work speaks for itself! Better days ahead: