What's up everyone? Commish is up late burning the midnight oil for y'all. Thaaaaat's right! We are absolutely FLYING into week 2 with another jam packed week to close out the summer transfer window. Teams are fighting for early position and to lay the foundation, while new additions flood in to shake up the league. Who will come out on top? TIME WILL TELL!!
Let's take a look at some of the craaaazy transfers that occurred this summer for EPL (for Atleti transfers, please visit the Atleti Zone!)
Enzo to Man City😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂...the blockbuster move to close out the window which apparently the Chelsea boys tooooootally don't care about (wink!). Snagging Anderson and Ndiaye is also crazy work, not to mention the absolute bag they dropped on Bouaddi (next Rodri??). $458M, who are they, Liverpool last summer?? And WTF is even FFP at this point?
Morgan Rogers to Chelsea, solid addition so far no notes good player!
No Salah, no problem! And who needs a CDM when you can have Barcola!? Cody Gakpo remains the best player on the team somehow after his transfer deals fall through. Liverpool also signed a few more players, will be funny to see Araujo get his first red for the club 🤭
Not a bad little window for Arsenal, but they'll be disappointed ol Julian big timed em in the dying embers of the summer window! #nopull ❌🧲 But solid key 3 signings to build on an already good squad.
Not bad from the red devils as well, but questions still remain if their 2022 defense can keep up with the modern game. Solid bounce back this week though from Tielemans. Decent window. 🤷
A looooot of people to Tottenham to barely stay above relegation level again...maybe? Savinho, Tonali, Big Moush, and is that...Mr Hasn't played in 2 years Mudryk with a $75M buy option I see??? What is Chelsea cookin that makes Tottenham wanna buy?? 🧑🍳
Oof, what could have been Everton..what could have been.
And oh look! Newcastle wants to play too after giving away Tonali, Gordan, Bruno G, and Epic Failtemade! Congrats on your new signings, Garbodor and Trubbish!! 🗑️😂😂😂😂
Ok jokes aside some decent signings this window, particularly the good Nico Gonzalez. Dedic kinda cookin too.
Now on to the good stuff. While some weeks we get boring, low scoring games, this week was TO. THE. BRIM with goals
Without further ado...this is.....THE GAMEWEEK 2 RECAP!!!😤😤😤😤😤😤
Man City (4) vs. Crystal Palace (1)
Haaland is soooo back!🎉 And what a time to captain him (or so I thought). One thing is for sure, non-Haaland teams took a massive L this week, as the king of FPL shined bright. Sad day for Semenyo owners, as Cherki was absolutely cooooookin. Big game incoming for Man City against Coventry, who dares brave the triple captain??👀👀👀
They really got Cherki looking like prime Messi out here too..
Liverpool (2) vs. Nottingham Forest (2)
Not quite LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO with 100 more OOOOOO's worthy, but this Liverpool team STIIIIINKS🚽🚽🚽💩💩💩💩!!! Lack of midfield depth and effort will be the downfall of this team who is a shell of its former self. Goals from Isak, Munoz, Ndoye, and MGW to settle it at 2 a piece. HUUUUUGE game incoming on 9/9 when Atleti will shit all over Pool. Can't wait to see it. Surely they can snag a result on Ipswich tomorrow...right??? And how is Gakpo legitimately the best player on the team now??
Coventry (0) vs. Hull (1)
The Tigers continue to maul their opponents alive, this time fellow promoted team Coventry. Late game heroics from Liam Millar keep the dream start alive! Is the Hull back line lowkey an FPL cheat code?
Bournemouth (1) vs. Everton (1)
Even match all things considered as Alex Scott and none other than former Burnley legend Tarkowski settle it on a last minute equalizer to keep Everton top 8. Sad news about the Balogun failed transfer, would have been cool to see him cook in the prem.
Newcastle (2) vs. Tottenham (0)
I mean there truly is no bottom for Tottenham💩💩💩💩🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽, absolutely no cohesion or fight to them as they get comfortably handled by Newcastle. Elanga is off to a hot start, and a healthy Wissa is looking productive, and the team seems to more connected than ever despite losing their stars. Meanwhile over at the Spurs stadium..
Absolute shockers from Tottenham..but fear not silent Spurs faithful! At least there is one man who can turn this all around!
Can the new signings save Tottenham? Or are they destined for the most expensive relegation fight in history?
Chelsea (4) vs. Brighton (3)
No Enzo, no worries!! Despite conceding 3, the glass cannon of the league cracks top 4 thanks to goals from Lavia, Neto, Joao Pedro (also scored an OG), and none other than...brrrrrrrr...it's...soooo...cold....the man himself...🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶
Is it time to get him back in the line up??
And a truly special season seems to be brewing for the controversial Joao Pedro, who completed one of the rarest feats in world football
Sunderland (1) vs. Fulham (0)
That triple Sunderland play isn't looking so bad no IS IT HMMMMM??? Solid result from the Black Cats as Isiodor settles it 1 - Nil. Cat themed teams up big this week for sure.
Leeds (1) vs. Brentford (1)
Back down to earth for Brentford as DCL comes to play. Schade getting the goal for Brentford, fairly even match between the two who both currently sit top 8 after two.
Man United (5) vs. Ipswich Town (2)
It was looking quite bleak 29min in after Man U conceded (after getting absolutely mauled by tigers last week). But cooler heads prevailed as Bruno Fernandes took over the game completely and showed us why he, and no one else, deserved the Premier League Player of the season.
An absolutely MASSIVE 23 points from him (46 for captainers) to drag his figurative nuts all over the FPL world 😳. 3 goals, one assist, crazy work. Haaland captainers thought we had outsmarted the hedgers, but Bruno may be the early favorite for FPL MVP. If he keeps this up, he could go back to back.
Sesko captainers gotta be kicking themselves right now, so close! Solid goal from Mbuemo as well on a Bruno assist.
1 down, 4 to go for the Red Devils to finally hit 5 in a row. Man United looks more like what we expected this game, and I think they can continue this momentum after the week 1 flubabies.
Arsenal (1) vs. Aston Villa (0)
Honestly, Arsenal just being themselves pulling off one of the most disgusting, lame, lackluster Ws that defined their season last year. All that was missing was fouling the goalie and scoring a pen. For how good they looked against relegation fodder last week, they looked seriously lacking against a Villa team that just got battered 4-0 by Brighton.
On top of this, despite some solid signings, they failed to bring in true striking talent, now forced to rotate between Fat Bastard and that one guy who used to play for Chelsea. Arsenal are giving Liverpool last season vibes, too over confident, get some squeaky Ws, then it allll comes crashing down. Disgusting 3 points for Arsenal. 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Tzolis train has run off the tracks, it was a fun run yall 🪦
Emery gotta calm down too with the speedy fingers ☝️
Now we all had some fun with the to Catch a Redditor segment, and I assure you Antoine is still on the case. But for this week, we're going back to Galaxy Brain and Boneheaded Plays of the week...let's have a look shall we?
Galaxy Brain Plays of the Week 🌌🧠
1) Bruno Captainers - good lord did they EAT this week, 46 pts after getting taunted by Haaland captainers, a massive last laugh from the player of the year faithful. Honorable mention for the Mbuemo players too, 11 pts not bad!
2) Cherki players, massive brace for him while us Semenyo holders wept
3) DCL and Joao Pedro truthers, solid goals from the lad
4) Gross players, biiig 13 from the lad
5) The Cold Palmer faithful, what a start to the season for the lad who got a nice rest this summer.
6) Dare I say...the Saka faithful. He's been cookin now that he's finally healthy. Arsenal back line been cookin too, maybe I should add a few of em...Naaaaaaaaah.
Boneheaded Play of the Week 🍖
This can really only go to one person this week...a man with no Haaland, no Bruno..but an unbelievable Sesko captain. Ladies and gents, Mr. 100 frosties Jake Runnals 🍦and the Mighty Assnals title was AI (somehow not bottom dawg given some real savvy plays here). In a week where Bruno brings in 46, in the same game Sesko drops 2 with the armband on..crazy work.
But speaking of dawgs, let's take a look at top and bottom dawg for the week shall we? 🧐
What an absolutely SUBLIME benchboost from Kevans🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥. In all fairness, he did callout he was gonna benchboost this week, and boy did it pay off. Not only that, but he came in guns blazing with a Bruno captain, Gross 13, Mbuemo 11, AND had Haaland, JP, and CL. Throw in 11 from Calafiori and 6 from Raya and not surprised this team takes the top spot so far after a top 3 performance last season. Kevans aint messin around! 😤😤😤💪💪💪
Tough run of games for new joiner Collin Kurtz, sportly a lowly 46 this week after deciding no Bruno was necessary this week. A collective 6 pts from his back 5, and some baaaaad weeks for Zubi and Havertz. Musty musty musty 🧅 Better days ahead for this team, who has plenty of time to turn the season around and not have to buy a jersey!👀👀👀
Aaaaaaand that'll do Donkey, that'll do...ON TO WEEK 3!!!! Locks and MHGOTW to follow. Frosty Wheel seal has been broken as well! Woohooo!!
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