Awwwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhh! We are back at it yet again!😎😎😎😎 Weeeeeek four of....thirty eight. And another happy belated bday, this time to Mr. Calvary Tutson!🥳🥳🥳🥳 Resident Everton fan in the building. I gotta ask, who decided one game on a Friday was a good idea? Certainly not your humble Commish, but the show must go on!🎭

I hope everyone is having a grrrrrreat week! Admittedly I did get a little distracted watching Josh Allen bring down the hammer on the Lions, so this one is coming out late in the night 🌙. But Commish is never late on delivering all 8 of you who actually read this the goods. Frosty spins have spun (thanks Dogan), and it's time to get down to business in what was quite the perplexing week 4 I do say! 👆

Welcome to....THE GAMEWEEK 4 RECAP!😈😈😈😈

Week in Review

Villa (1) vs. Nottingham Forest (2)

Villa are off to yet another disastrous start to the year, and while they usually figure it out by the end, the Garnacho era is not looking pretty post Watkins/Rogers/Dibu

Goals from Alysson, the ghost of Liam Delap, and a late winner by Igooooooor Jesus to settle this mid off 2-1.

Winless to start the season...-6 GD...surely better days ahead for one of the Prem's champions league representatives, right? 🤷 

Brentford (2) vs. Bournemouth (2)

Will the real Igor Thiago please stand up? 2 a piece settles the draw as Kluivert and Tavernier bag goals alongside a daaaaaaaamn Schade brace. Bournemouth still chasing win #1 (juuuust like another team I know!). Fairly mid starts for both teams, but Brentford still hasn't lost and sits 7th. 1 W (over ass Spurs), 3 ties, no Ls! Let's get Irving in here to celebrate no Ls so far! 🐝 

Chelsea (2) vs. Hull (2)

Oh how the smug Chelsea fans rejoiced (crazy how they only show up when things are going well like a flock of Timos) after a Morgan Rogers' goal in the 7th minute 🤦‍♂️..

but you know what they say...

And claws they did show!🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯🐯 A magnificent brace after some Chelsea tweaks from Belloumi, and it looked like a viscous mauling was upon us! Joao Pedro softened the blow and Chelsea escaped Stamford Bridge wounded, but not completely dead as the Tigers proved once again they are not to be underestimated this year. 4 games in, and Hull are top 4 😳, while Chelsea sit on the outside looking in at 6th place.

Palace (2) vs. Ipswich (3)

A goal fest for two bottom feeding teams as Ipswich pull one out in a 90th min dagger from Flemming!

Fulham (0) vs. Liverpool (0)

Looks like Marcos Llorente must have really tired out Liverpool cuz this was just an absolute SNOOZEFEST 🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

Great to see another Wirtz $130M cardio sesh though (image courtesy of former Commish Mr. Oliver)

But I will say, TerraChadboszlai did rip and absolute screamer on Tottenham in the Carabao Cup🔥🔥 Def worth a watch for one of Liverpool's only redeeming players: 

Tottenham (0) vs. Everton (0)

Right at home in 17th place for Spurs who simply can't get anything going offensively despite dropping $300M to get things going offensively. Being back in a relegation battle to start the year is insane work...but all too familiar for Tottenham fans who have to sit through this shit week in and week out. Idk how they do it, and I never will! Adding insult to more insults, getting absolute volleymogged by DS was a perfect way to propel them into week 5. Where fans were just happy to see a 1 on the score sheet next to their team. Truly rock bottom stuff here but I don't think we've hit the bottom juuuust yet for our dear Spurs!

Sunderland (0) vs. Arsenal (2)

Uh chat...we may have a problem here as former Newcastle captain who sold out for the bag Bruno G is scoring worldies for Arsenal whose depth are looking to take them back to back and compete for all cups/trophies this season🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮.

Not sure why I faded Arsenal defenders and Raya in FPL, may be time to bite the bullet. Loooong season ahead of us, but Arsenal will unfortunately be a tough nut to crack for opponents this season. If they can make a big move in the Jan window for a striker who knows how to control a ball, they will have a hard time losing this league. Surely Gyokeres is out by next year..

Coventry (0) vs. Brighton (5)

Absolute DOMINATION from the Seagulls, who log 5 different goal scorers against a 10 men Coventry. Literally start any one against Conventry and they will EAT! The return to relevance of Pascal Gross will be something to monitor throughout FPL this season. the man is COOKIN!

Man United (0) vs. Man City (1)

After a 23rd min Phil Foden red 🟥 from some Oscar-worthy floppage from Bruno. All signs pointed to Man U securing 3 massive points against their rivals.

But as the game dragged on, Fraudchester Midnited could barely muster up a shot on target. And then...tragedy struck for the Man U boys...a seemingly offsides Haaland at the back post put the ball in the net. Surely it would be called back right??

WRONG! Idk about y'all but feel like the more VAR gets involved, the stranger these decisions get. I'm honestly not sure how this one stood, but I do know us Haaland captainers sure were happy we got a goal. I know Jake died a little inside watching this one after seeing the Arsenal W. Lowkey may not be a bad play to cash the 69 frosties now...

I do think we gotta do something about VAR, let common sense prevail in these kinds of scenarios, and only use it for clear and obvious errors. It's getting a little ridiculous at this point I will say but maybe I'm just old. Whatever the case, back to square zero for Man U 😂

But while this one was certainly a tough loss, surely All-or-Nothingchester would redeem themselves in the Carabao Cup, as their trophy chase continued. Up 2-0 in 10minutes...surely they'd see this one out to bounce back...andddddd...oh no....NOT THE MOST DANGEROUS LEAD!!!

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

GET PECKED BRUH!!!!!
🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢🦢

Say it with me everyone!

#CarrickIn

Leeds (4) vs. Newcastle (1)

Ah yes, the last game of the gameweek, let's see how the ol Newcastle boys faired this week against the alleged 19th best team in the world...let me clear my throat...aaaaaand...

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽🚽

No two ways about it, Poocastle Divided fucking suuuuuuuuuuck! Hold that L Beef😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Newcastle still trying to find the floor as Leeds show them there is truly levels to the prem. DCL owners riiiiiise!😤😤😤 This could be the start of a major slide for what could be an epic relegation fight ahead! Eager to see how Beef tries to spin this into a positive for Newcastle while also mentioning la liga 4-5 times in the process.

Do my eyes deceive me? Or are Leeds really top 3 in what I am told repeatedly is the best league in the word after finishing 14th last season? Absolutely WILD start to the year!

Galaxy Brain Plays of the Week🌌🧠

• 1) DCL truthers - goal, assist, bonus points, looking like he's juuust getting started

• 2) Brighton Players, just about everyone on that team had a good haul. Shouts out De Cuyper. A Gross 17 was...gross for us non Gross havers but a big brain play nonetheless

• 3) Raya and Arsenal defender players, seem to be worth the cost...RIP

• 4) Rogers and Joao Pedro players, they are coookin

• 5) Gvardiol players - solid 11 for the GW not too bad

Top Dawg ⬆️🐶

who - 93 pts

Who else but "who" aka our league leader Kevans to take yet another Top Dawg spot to continue his hot start to the year. Raya with 14 after a penalty stop and clean sheet, De Cuyper with 11, Calafiori 6, Gross SEVENTEEN, DCL 10, Captain Halaand 18, and JP 12. Veeeery solid week, one Antoine will be running through forensics I'm sure. Take a bow, lad! Kevans now sits 39 points clear at 349pts total. He sits over Timo, and is 40 over Jonathan D. Niall, and former champs Sal and Logan are hot on his tail as well at 296, 295, and 294 respectively. This title chase is looking a bit closer than last year already (thank the lord)!

Bottom Dawg ⬇️🦮

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Enzo - 37 pts 💩 

Great Googly Moogly, Andy this is one of the worst teams I've ever seen in my life! WILDCARD NOW SOS SOS! THIRTY SEVEN POINTS???? IN THIS ECONOMY?? Let's take a look shall we?